It's been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time....
It's been well over a year and a half since I blogged. Not sure why I stopped. I just didn't feel like venting anymore. A lot has happened since then but then again... not that much.
I was out of work for well over a year. I interviewed for hundreds of jobs, some up to 3 times but never got an offer. So many times I was built up over an opportunity only to be let down. I shed many tears while I was on unemployment. It's the age and it's damn competitive up here in the Bay area and my resume is funky. I sort of fell into marketing while I was on my way to getting a supporting role in a long-running TV series.
Just after I barely got the final tier of unemployment extensions before it was discontinued, I ended up getting a contracting job through a networking group. Funny thing is the person who got me the job was just like me only about 15 years older. She studied theatre, lived in LA (even worked at the same Hollywood studio as I did), moved up here and sort of fell into marketing. I got to work from home in my jammies while blasting music and sometimes sipping wine. Pay wasn't great but it wasn't bad and I had 5,000 shares of stock and the best part was that this company was going somewhere. Really, it was!
Then I learned that Silicon Valley is a lot like Hollywood. How many films get produced but never get picked up for distribution? Answer: a whole fucking lot. Films that never see the light of day... kind of like this company.
I got my walking papers a few days before Thanksgiving. My boss was sorry. I was doing a great job but they still had no clients and couldn't afford to pay me. Maybe in six months when they got their legs under them.... but six months never came. Two months later, I heard that more people were let go and now it's kaput. So sad as I really was excited about that company and the people I worked with were truly brilliant. Real achievers. My boss was nominated for a Pulitzer.
Being canned a couple of days before Thanksgiving---a stupid holiday where people without family are tortured by the blitz of "family" bullshit that American culture and the media shove down our throats around that time---sucks. It was also around the anniversary of my mom's death. And only a few weeks earlier, my neighbors who had become the closest thing to family that I had experience since my mom died decided to buy a house about 2.5 hours away and left. It was just me and Magic in this empty old house through the holiday months. I was able to resume my long term unemployment since I had been contracting on a 1099 status but then on 12/28 good old congress fucked me in the ass and cancelled EUC. There were only a few more weeks left on my claim anyway but still.... it would've helped.
I ended up putting out my resume like crazy and I ended up getting a job finally. Of course I had to collect food stamps first. It's not my dream job and it has its share of dysfunction but it sure as shit beats the last place I was at (excluding the contracting gig). I like my boss who is young but smart and respectful. Those millennials at the other place I worked at could take a lesson from her. Incidentally, I heard from my boss from back then and the millennial shitheads who made my life such hell ultimately ended up fucking him over and he wanted to apologize for what happened and would I like to come back and work for him? Fortunately, I had already gotten my contractor gig and I politely declined (with a huge smile on my face). I reminded him of some of things they did to me and he said "why didn't you tell me?" Some people, I swear. In any case, I finally made peace with all the shit that happened back then in that job.
It's been more than 5 years since my mom died and I miss her still so much. Sunday is Mothers Day. I thought about taking myself to a spa, treating myself to a facial, a massage, some good champagne and a feast but then I woke up to reality and realized that it would cost a paycheck to do it up right. I think I will simply work in my garden, burn a candle for mom and remember her.
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