Freedom

Tuesday when I got laid off I didn't quite know how to react.  My initial response was fear, then immense relief, then fear again.   When I absorbed the fact that I was getting a severance package and I would be able to accept unemployment without any interference from my boss, I started to realize this was a good thing.   I hated that place and now I don't ever have to use that stinky toilet and deal with the Boogermans and poseur goth chics and fools who cannot pronounce a word as simple as "something".

Fear was still lingering the day I was laid off but then the handyman came by to fix some loose nails in the deck of the main house.  I asked him if he wanted a beer.  He did so we hung out on the chaise lounge and talked for a while.  I looked up at the sky.  It was blue and one of the giant trees in the back was swaying in the breeze.  I suddenly felt at peace.  Any fear I felt earlier had dissipated.

Yesterday morning I woke up slightly anxious.  I still haven't heard from the Euro company so I shot an email to the recruiter.  She responded and said that they've heard nothing but she will keep me posted.  I had to go to the store and something happened on the way there.

I realized I like being unemployed.  Not saying I never want to work again but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted.  I found myself overjoyed yesterday as I shopped for groceries.  When I got home, I hung out with my neighbors across the street who have 3 pet pigs.  I'd never seen pigs before.  They stink but they're really cute.  My heart broke just a little bit when my neighbors told me that they were going to the slaughterhouse in late July.  Not something a vegetarian like me wants to hear.

I do have faith that I will get a job.  If not the Euro one which I feel still pretty optimistic about, then something else.  I have been meditating on the Universal Mind Meditation for over 2 months.  All that you need will be provided to you if you simply believe.  I do believe.

My job made me really unhappy and now it's no longer a burden.  I don't have to panic about money because I have unemployment and, while I might have to do some serious budget cuts, all necessities will be taken care of.  But I don't believe it will ever come to that because I am still confident that the Euro company job will pan out.

I feel no anxiety for the first time this year.  I hadn't had a solid night's sleep all week because I was so anxious.  Last night I slept ten hours.  I feel great today.