I see this as a blessing. My previous job made me pretty fucking miserable. While the pay wasn't atrocious, the people were some of the most obnoxious people I have ever worked with and the job was just plain old boring. As for the Swiss watch company job that I obsessed over for two months and that I ended up not getting---I don't particularly think, in retrospect, that it was a good fit for me either. So, now my challenge is to find something that pays decent money, offers benefits and that I really, really like!
Prior to moving to NoCal, the majority of my experience lay in entertainment. Even in NYC, I was always temping at the major record labels. I will never forget the time I was temping at Mercury records and I looked up, only to see Morrissey walking towards me with my boss. My jaw dropped as they approached me. Man, I had no idea Morrissey was that tall even though I had seen him perform live a few times before. My boss introduced me to him and I could barely speak. Once upon a time, I thought Morrissey was God (those days are long gone). Had I never left NYC, I'm sure I would've stayed in the music industry but I ended up going to LA and immediately got hooked up with a temp agency that staffed for a major Hollywood studio....
The first major celebrity I met was Antonio Banderes. Man, was he short... nothing like Morrissey.
And I continued to work in entertainment. My dream was to act, but I always managed to find a place doing admin work and, later, marketing. While I have finally given up on the prospect of ever working as a professional actor, I still want to work in the entertainment industry in some capacity. At least I know something about entertainment; whereas in my last job, I didn't know about all the crap I was marketing nor did I want to know about any of that crap. My heart wasn't in it and that's why I was so fucking unhappy.
Unfortunately, Northern California isn't like LA where you throw a nickle and there's a production company, agency or studio. There are a few entertainment entities up here but not a whole lot. NoCal is the technology region and while I can appreciate technology, I wouldn't say I'm passionate about it.
There's one production company relatively close to where I live. The producer is major and is mostly known for a couple of franchises that originated when I was still a kid. I have been trying to get a job there since I moved here and not once have I been called in for an interview, even for jobs I was certain I was qualified for.
Then there's another major entertainment entity headquartered in the Bay area although it's not close to where I live. I became obsessed with getting a job at this company about 6 months ago, when I realized that I would be willing to leave my secluded retreat in wine country for a more congested environment if it meant having a real job working someplace I was psyched about. And I was psyched about this company!
Silly me convinced myself that I was a shoe-in to work at this place given my background. Even my former boss from one of the studios I worked at in LA told me that it's a perfect match. So, I not only submitted myself for jobs at this place repeatedly but I stalked a few of their recruiters on Linked In and even emailed one who didn't have the courtesy to respond (even though I know she read it because she viewed my profile). Here I thought it would be easy for someone like me who had all this experience in entertainment.
Not even close.
I have continued the Universal Mind Meditation before falling asleep. It's been close to 3 months. Perhaps I owe my nonchalant attitude about being laid off to that. I meditate sometimes during the day too, but not as much as I did when I was stuck in my job from hell.
I guess I've done a bit of slacking in that department. Instead, I have been watching Frasier on Netflix streaming. I'm on season 7 and I started watching it the week I was laid off. That should give you an indication of just how much TV I've been watching.
Frasier is therapeutic. It's funny... and it was my mom's favorite show. In fact, I'd seen a lot of these episodes with her but I never watched the show sequentially in its entirety. I have thought about my mom a lot lately. Although, I do suspect that if my mom were still alive, she'd be freaking out more about my job situation than I currently am (and she'd be scolding me for being so relaxed about it all).
I have moments of... not quite sure how do describe it. It's like being in a slightly altered state of consciousness. This morning while I was walking, I glanced up at the horizon and, while the trees swayed against the blue sky and the billowing clouds drifted in the distance, I felt almost as if I were part of that. Then More than a Feeling by Boston started playing on my headphones and it pulled me out of that vision and back down to reality.
Whenever I hear old songs from my childhood, I get melancholy. What I should have done, what I never did, how that's all gone now and here I am in my mid 40's, completely alone, jobless and haven't a clue where I will end up. I remember my brother. Once upon a time I looked up to him and, now, when I think of him, I feel sadness and kind of sick to my stomach.... I haven't heard from him since the anniversary of my mom's death... and that was about six months ago. It was all by email and text. I haven't heard my brother's voice in at least two years. I am not quite sure what I ever did to him to make him act like such a dick towards me.
My neighborhood is very picturesque and there are lots of farm animals along the way. There are two routes I take. One is a neighborhood stroll, relatively flat ground but scenic and lovely... The other is to the top of this hill next to a tasting room that overlooks the valley. That is a little more challenging but the reason I don't do it more often is that, in order to get there i have to walk along a major 2-lane road where there is tons of traffic. Traffic = People and, well.... I'm on a vacation from people right now.
I have turned into a recluse and it's not all that bad.
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| Just another day livin' in the hood... |
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