Can you dig it? Yes, I can!

Today it occurred to me that Independence day is a hop, skip and a jump away.  Whatever shall I do?  I have no invitations, no plans, commitments--no nothing.  I think I will drink wine on the deck, gaze blissfully on the horizon while listening to British-invasion music.  Just another day in wine country....

I am a first generation American girl.  Both my parents are from Ecuador.  My dad was a full-blooded Ecuadorian.  He moved to the US w/ my mom in the 50's.  They lived in NYC for a while and then moved to Miami.  That was when he got a job in a bank where he worked for almost 30 years.  My dad was an alcoholic but I'll give him props because he always worked hard in spite of his vices.  When he retired, it was with a pension although his liver was shot....

A Question of Time

The last time I can recall looking at a clock last night before bed, it was around 10:30.  I had just finished brushing my teeth and was dancing with Magic to Marianne Faithfull's, The Mystery of Love....

Shortly after, I went to bed.  I didn't fall asleep but rather dealt with the random thoughts that invaded my psyche.

The Place That Shall Not Be Named

Tonight I got an email from someone I worked with at that place.. the place that shall not be named.  He tracked me down via LinkedIn.  Apparently, he was treated the same way I was and he no longer works there.  Exnay on the etailsday.

He wanted advice.  My advice to him wasn't advice at all it was a congratulatory verbal high-five.

I liked this guy a lot.  He started working only a few weeks before I was laid off.  He's older but well-educated, spiritual and had a little something that I'm quite fond of called a personality.  I knew right when I met him that he was not long for that place.   At the place that shall not be named, you can't have any of those things to have longevity let alone all three...

As I told him how much better my overall demeanor and value of self-worth was since I got laid off, I suddenly felt better than I've felt in a long time.  I guess I had to hear myself say it in order for it to click.  And it did...

Life ain't so bad, dammit.  It's gorgeous outside.  I went to TJ's today and Tribunal is still on sale.  I bought a ton of veggies and have been juicing my heart out, doing yoga and feeling pretty wonderful.  The sun is setting now behind the vineyards on the horizon while a cool breeze soothes....I got an interview request from a potential employer that sounds interesting...

So, I say to my former colleague, "this is good.  welcome to the first day of the rest of your life."

And we laughed...

I yoga'd

Back last year and early this year when I was obsessed with yoga, I got a bunch of at home yoga DVD's... Rodney Yee, Sadie Nardini, Ali McGraw/Erich Schiffmann which is one of my personal faves as it's shot in the desert almost like a music video and they use DCD as one of the musical tracks.  And then there's Bryan Kest who is this cheesy yoga instructor with long curly hair, ripped jeans, no shirt who speaks with a thick Brookyn accent but whose workout always kicks my ass in a "Oh wow, I hurt but feel fucking wonderful" kinda way....

Red, Red Wine...

I've been drinking wine since I was a rebellious teenager.  My mom used to have wine tasting parties once a month.  Every now and then, my mom would let me have a taste...  Mom liked Sherry but I could never appreciate it as much as she.  She drank a lot of wine back then that I would never drink now.  Back then, though, I didn't know anything about wine except that you drank it and it made you feel all warm and fuzzy and good inside....  Hell, I drank MD 20/20 and thought it rocked. 

Over the years, my taste in wine has evolved but these last three years-- living in the wine zone of the world--I've become much more educated on wine than I ever thought I would be.  I could even tell the difference between... say a Syrah and a Zinfandel if I were blindfolded.  Zinfandel happens to be one of my favorites. I find that I'm partial to blends that have a strong zin base.

I tried to get up but I could not find my feet

Today, as I walked up my hill I realized that over the years I have evolved into a very solitary person.  Back in NYC, I couldn't get enough of people.  I was as social as it gets.  Every night it was a different bar/club/film/play.  How things change...

Now, I have absolutely no social life aside from hanging with my neighbors but it's not like I'm going anywhere.  I open my back door and ta da!  I'm on the deck which is the central point for many of our summer gatherings.  It overlooks the vineyards and it's fucking beautiful.  Maybe this is all about being in my comfort zone and not wanting to delve out of it.  I'm a coward.

Free Money

Suffering from a bit of a hangover this morning....  Last night's BYOT Summer Solstice party was fun.  Turns out not many people brought any talent.  I was surprised that out of all the actors in attendance, I was the only one who did a monologue.  A couple of actors didn't do anything.  Kind of rude.  If you go to a party that has a theme of performing and you're a performer, you're just going to kick back and watch others? 

I did my monologue and got an award for "best talent".  Ain't that sweet?  Of course, considering who I was up against, it would've been incredibly offensive if I had lost. 

Audrey

Tonight I'm going to a Bring Your Own Talent party...  a friend of mine who I haven't seen in over a year invited me.  It's to celebrate the Summer solstice but everyone who attends needs to demonstrate a talent of theirs.  I know a lot of actors will be there as I know the host from an acting venture I was part of a couple of years ago.  It was a lot of fun but unfortunately it was not a success.

Golden Years

A couple of years before she died, my mom gave me this thick and heavy 18 ct gold necklace.  Her father had given it to her many years before.  Since she had been through the ringer with my sister, she gave it to me... or maybe she just wanted me to have it. She gave me other jewelry...pearls, her mother's ring and a really unique smoky topaz ring.

In any case, I'm not a big gold person.  I really like the smoky topaz ring even though it's gold.  I had it resized a few years ago and wear it often.  The rest, though... not really my style.  I could see me one day wearing the pearls but that gold necklace has been sitting in a drawer since I moved here..and before that, it was in another drawer...and before that, another one...

I knew it was worth something.  It had been appraised at 2,000 in the 80's but that was based more on design and not the value of gold.  This would simply be bought for its gold value and melted down.  I went to a pawn shop on Monday to sell it... I expected it would pay for at least half of my voiceover demo.  I was surprised that they offered me considerably more than I expected.  The lady asked me if I wanted to sell it.  I told her yes.  She asked me for my ID and, next thing I knew I was in tears.  I told her it was my mom's who passed away a few years ago and I just realized I wasn't ready to sell it.

Then I got home and kicked myself.  The pawn shop is in Santa Rosa which is a bit of a drive for me (considering I hate driving and I rarely stray far from a 15 mile radius).  I started monitoring the price of gold and it has dropped every day since Monday.

I want to do this voiceover demo.  I will continue to check the price of gold online and as soon as it jumps back up to what it was (and hopefully over), I will go back to the pawn shop and sell it.  My mom would want me to be happy.  I don't want to live my life wondering what would've happened if I had pursued my aspirations to do voiceover work.

I emailed a friend of mine in LA who does VO to pick his brain.  He said his agent does very little and he has to hustle for most of his work.  That doesn't seem too different from the acting world...

My agent was useless.  I remember I was taking this acting class.  One night I did a scene.  I had to leave early so as soon as the scene was over, I left.  As I was walking out the door, someone grabbed my arm and called my name.  He told me that I did great work and he was glad to see me.  I thanked him and sort of looked at him blankly.  He said, "I'm Steve." (blank).  "Your agent?".  That's how often I saw him...

He sent me on an audition here and an audition there but most of the work I got in the ten years I lived in LA, I got on my own.

RIP Mom

This is my mom's memorial video.  Even after over three and a half years, I still need to watch it every now and then....

There aren't a whole lot of pics of me but there's some film footage from when I was a child.  I'm the youngest.  I only had a few digital photos and didn't have a scanner when I made this.  So I relied on my siblings to send me photos and, of course, it was all about them... especially my sister.  At least my brother sent me a lot of old shots of my mom from Ecuador....

Sometimes, I just want to cry my heart out.  I still miss her so.  In just over a month it will be my birthday.  Birthdays haven't been the same since she died...

I wanna tear down the walls that hold me inside....

It is hot as fucking hell right now.  Wine country is beautiful--no doubt about it, but sometimes in the late Spring/Summer months, it's insanely dry and hot.  On days like this, I shower twice because showering is the only thing that will cool me down.  I don't use my A/C because I'm on a bare bones budget and running the A/C is costly.

I didn't make it to my hill today... or yesterday. I'm working on a VO demo.  I've decided fuck the business world.  It's not me.  It never will be.  It's a square peg and I'm a round hole.

Dark I am yet lovely

Today I woke up with a spring in my step....  perhaps all this walking to the hill has been good for me.  There are a lot of farm animals along the way.. horses, cows and goats.  I often stop to connect with them.  I prefer animals over people....  Then I sit under a tree on the hill and look at the valley while listening to music on my ipod.  It's really quite soothing.  There really is no excuse for me to not walk everyday or do yoga.  I am free to do all that right now.  Who knows how long that will last....

I'm going to meet with a local voiceover coach to talk about making a demo reel for me.  After much pondering over what direction I want to go in, I've decided that I'm not quite ready to let go of my passion for the performing arts.  While there isn't much of a market here in terms of acting, there is a pretty decent voiceover market given all the games that are produced here.  Of course, the demo isn't cheap and the market is competitive but I want to give it a go anyway.  A friend of mine in LA does quite well doing voiceover work. Well enough to travel all over the world.  

I initially contacted this woman after stumbling upon her site and realizing she was local (not in San Francisco).  She responded with her rates and corresponded back and forth by email.  I decided to let it go until I had the funds but she has been really aggressive about speaking with me.  What have I to lose by going down to her studio?  It's not like my schedule is packed with obligations.  I also want to pick her brain regarding the VO market up here.

Color Me Blue

It's been 5 weeks and a day since I was laid off.  I have been very particular as to where I'm applying to.  It's so very important that my next vocational role is working some place that I find interesting.  I maintain that getting laid off was a blessing.  I fluctuate, though, from elation to depression.