Day #17 of being jobless. I feel almost ashamed to admit I like it. Under different circumstances, I'm sure my attitude wouldn't be so nonchalant about it but I got a 3 week severance package and I will be receiving unemployment. I had to cancel my wine club membership and cut out a few other luxuries but unemployment should cover all my living expenses and even keep my massive credit card debt current.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Brain Sync and Kelly Howell
It has been over two months since I've been listening to the Universal Mind Mediation while falling asleep. I even went so far as to buy the sleepsonic pillow from Brain Sync but it wasn't very comfortable so I exchanged it for the sleepphones. I've been listening to Brain Sync for years now. Kelly Howell's Facebook page is one of the first pages I "liked" and I've even considered signing up for one of their online meditation courses and attending one of their retreats at the Esalon institute which is a few hours south of me at Big Sur.
Imagine how disappointed I was when I emailed Kelly Howell via Facebook and she never responded. My email explained how I had been listening to Brain Sync for years and how it helped me through the period when I was caring for my mom and after she died. I explained how I didn't feel that the Universal Mind Meditation was having the same positive effect as it had couple of years ago and I was looking for something specific that I could listen to that would help me with shifting gears career-wise
She has recordings that include positive thinking, attracting wealth, quitting smoking, weight loss, awakening kundalini, retrieving your destiny... the list goes on and on. Yet there is nothing related to career meditation. So, my email to Kelly Howell inquired as to what she felt would be beneficial to me at this point given that I didn't believe the Universal Mind Meditation was helping me as well as it once had.... that was over a month ago. She never responded.
Imagine how disappointed I was when I emailed Kelly Howell via Facebook and she never responded. My email explained how I had been listening to Brain Sync for years and how it helped me through the period when I was caring for my mom and after she died. I explained how I didn't feel that the Universal Mind Meditation was having the same positive effect as it had couple of years ago and I was looking for something specific that I could listen to that would help me with shifting gears career-wise
She has recordings that include positive thinking, attracting wealth, quitting smoking, weight loss, awakening kundalini, retrieving your destiny... the list goes on and on. Yet there is nothing related to career meditation. So, my email to Kelly Howell inquired as to what she felt would be beneficial to me at this point given that I didn't believe the Universal Mind Meditation was helping me as well as it once had.... that was over a month ago. She never responded.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Freedom
Tuesday when I got laid off I didn't quite know how to react. My initial response was fear, then immense relief, then fear again. When I absorbed the fact that I was getting a severance package and I would be able to accept unemployment without any interference from my boss, I started to realize this was a good thing. I hated that place and now I don't ever have to use that stinky toilet and deal with the Boogermans and poseur goth chics and fools who cannot pronounce a word as simple as "something".
Fear was still lingering the day I was laid off but then the handyman came by to fix some loose nails in the deck of the main house. I asked him if he wanted a beer. He did so we hung out on the chaise lounge and talked for a while. I looked up at the sky. It was blue and one of the giant trees in the back was swaying in the breeze. I suddenly felt at peace. Any fear I felt earlier had dissipated.
Yesterday morning I woke up slightly anxious. I still haven't heard from the Euro company so I shot an email to the recruiter. She responded and said that they've heard nothing but she will keep me posted. I had to go to the store and something happened on the way there.
I realized I like being unemployed. Not saying I never want to work again but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I found myself overjoyed yesterday as I shopped for groceries. When I got home, I hung out with my neighbors across the street who have 3 pet pigs. I'd never seen pigs before. They stink but they're really cute. My heart broke just a little bit when my neighbors told me that they were going to the slaughterhouse in late July. Not something a vegetarian like me wants to hear.
I do have faith that I will get a job. If not the Euro one which I feel still pretty optimistic about, then something else. I have been meditating on the Universal Mind Meditation for over 2 months. All that you need will be provided to you if you simply believe. I do believe.
My job made me really unhappy and now it's no longer a burden. I don't have to panic about money because I have unemployment and, while I might have to do some serious budget cuts, all necessities will be taken care of. But I don't believe it will ever come to that because I am still confident that the Euro company job will pan out.
I feel no anxiety for the first time this year. I hadn't had a solid night's sleep all week because I was so anxious. Last night I slept ten hours. I feel great today.
Fear was still lingering the day I was laid off but then the handyman came by to fix some loose nails in the deck of the main house. I asked him if he wanted a beer. He did so we hung out on the chaise lounge and talked for a while. I looked up at the sky. It was blue and one of the giant trees in the back was swaying in the breeze. I suddenly felt at peace. Any fear I felt earlier had dissipated.
Yesterday morning I woke up slightly anxious. I still haven't heard from the Euro company so I shot an email to the recruiter. She responded and said that they've heard nothing but she will keep me posted. I had to go to the store and something happened on the way there.
I realized I like being unemployed. Not saying I never want to work again but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I found myself overjoyed yesterday as I shopped for groceries. When I got home, I hung out with my neighbors across the street who have 3 pet pigs. I'd never seen pigs before. They stink but they're really cute. My heart broke just a little bit when my neighbors told me that they were going to the slaughterhouse in late July. Not something a vegetarian like me wants to hear.
I do have faith that I will get a job. If not the Euro one which I feel still pretty optimistic about, then something else. I have been meditating on the Universal Mind Meditation for over 2 months. All that you need will be provided to you if you simply believe. I do believe.
My job made me really unhappy and now it's no longer a burden. I don't have to panic about money because I have unemployment and, while I might have to do some serious budget cuts, all necessities will be taken care of. But I don't believe it will ever come to that because I am still confident that the Euro company job will pan out.
I feel no anxiety for the first time this year. I hadn't had a solid night's sleep all week because I was so anxious. Last night I slept ten hours. I feel great today.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
When one door closes...
So today I went into work expecting to get shit from my boss because I called in sick yesterday. I wasn't sick yesterday, I actually had a final interview with that European apparel company. They have it narrowed down to 3 and I was one. That was especially exciting when I got the news last week. Then I heard through former supervisors who are still friends of mine that the recruiter was checking my references. Yippee!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Faith
So, I was pretty upset last weekend. Actually, felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. This week has been less brutal... so far. That's the thing, though. I never know what to expect when I walk into that place. One girl (poseur goth chic) looks at me with such disdain in her eyes. It's about the pot complaint. I know it is. Really, it's their fault for having me written up for making a "racist" comment. Of all the shit they've done to me, that was, without a doubt, the most offensive. If they're going to start slinging mud, I sling back and at least what I'm complaining about is valid and not a manipulation of the truth.
That said, I have hope that this position for the Euro jewelry manufacturer might come to fruition... MIGHT. I fear to get too excited because if it doesn't work out, I will be devastated. I emailed one of the men who interviewed me last week and he emailed me back today. His response led me to believe that he's definitely interested.
If this job happens, then I'm a firm advocate of the law of attraction as I have lived this job ever since I was introduced to it by a recruiter almost two months ago.
That said, I have hope that this position for the Euro jewelry manufacturer might come to fruition... MIGHT. I fear to get too excited because if it doesn't work out, I will be devastated. I emailed one of the men who interviewed me last week and he emailed me back today. His response led me to believe that he's definitely interested.
If this job happens, then I'm a firm advocate of the law of attraction as I have lived this job ever since I was introduced to it by a recruiter almost two months ago.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
I think I'm paranoid...
I have been somewhat disenchanted with life lately. I started meditating religiously (at least twice a day) over six weeks ago and, as much as I want to say that it's had some profound effect on my life, it really hasn't. Sure, there were days where I felt it helped me to keep my emotions tamed and my focus on things getting better but I'm so incredibly under fire at work, it continues to be an uphill battle and I'm exhausted. Not only that, I think I'm getting an ulcer. So much for the chakra healing power.
A new guy started in the office and we had a brief discussion. He's a deep meditator and seems like a nice enough guy. He's very mellow and speaks slow and I'm sure my boss is annoyed with that aspect of his personality. I like it, though. Like me and the other new employee, he doesn't quite fit into the culture there. I wonder how long before it starts getting to him.... or maybe his spiritual foundation is so solid, that it won't get to him. Me? I'm weak.
I found out my boss pulled my one "friend" at work into the other room with the "HR Consultant" and he apologized about the fact that a "coworker" (me) was pulling her into the drama and my boss made it a point of saying he doesn't like drama. Basically, he was trying to get her to throw me under the bus. She didn't. She knows how full of shit he is and how gross that place is.
After I was written up for harassment, I took a break and asked this "friend/coworker" if she wanted to got to the convenient store. I told her what happened. They didn't like that. My boss (nor can anyone else there) stand the fact that I actually have a friend there. A friend interferes with my boss' plot to fire me based on my inability to not work well with others. Yes, i said plot.
A new guy started in the office and we had a brief discussion. He's a deep meditator and seems like a nice enough guy. He's very mellow and speaks slow and I'm sure my boss is annoyed with that aspect of his personality. I like it, though. Like me and the other new employee, he doesn't quite fit into the culture there. I wonder how long before it starts getting to him.... or maybe his spiritual foundation is so solid, that it won't get to him. Me? I'm weak.
I found out my boss pulled my one "friend" at work into the other room with the "HR Consultant" and he apologized about the fact that a "coworker" (me) was pulling her into the drama and my boss made it a point of saying he doesn't like drama. Basically, he was trying to get her to throw me under the bus. She didn't. She knows how full of shit he is and how gross that place is.
After I was written up for harassment, I took a break and asked this "friend/coworker" if she wanted to got to the convenient store. I told her what happened. They didn't like that. My boss (nor can anyone else there) stand the fact that I actually have a friend there. A friend interferes with my boss' plot to fire me based on my inability to not work well with others. Yes, i said plot.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Serenity. Courage. Wisdom.
This last week I have been under fire. Two meetings with the "HR Consultant" who, incidentally, is a long-time friend of the "business consultant company" co-owner who happens to be the mother of one of the employees there. Do you see how incestuous this awful place is?
Last Thursday, I was called into the "conference room" which is really just a giant table in the middle of the showroom. HR lady said, "last night I got a call at home from someone in the office who expressed concern at your appearance.". I wanted to say, "Where else would you get a call given you don't have an office??????". Instead, I sighed inside knowing that this was yet another ploy in my boss' calculated and manipulative plan to push me out of there under "Justifiable reasons" so he can get out of paying unemployment.
She asked about my seizure disorder and my meds. My boss said that people were commenting on my demeanor. I walked hunched over. I told him that it was because I pulled a muscle in my neck in my sleep while I had a seizure. It was mild. While I actually wasn't sure if I had a seizure, I suspect I might have had a mild one because when I got out of bed, I was in a brain fog. Even though I hadn't drank the night before, I felt hungover and my neck really hurt but I could still move and I wanted to go to work because I'm saving the days when I call in sick for days that I'm interviewing. Sleazy bossman said I was dopey. That's because I got 3 hours of sleep, I told him.
Last Thursday, I was called into the "conference room" which is really just a giant table in the middle of the showroom. HR lady said, "last night I got a call at home from someone in the office who expressed concern at your appearance.". I wanted to say, "Where else would you get a call given you don't have an office??????". Instead, I sighed inside knowing that this was yet another ploy in my boss' calculated and manipulative plan to push me out of there under "Justifiable reasons" so he can get out of paying unemployment.
She asked about my seizure disorder and my meds. My boss said that people were commenting on my demeanor. I walked hunched over. I told him that it was because I pulled a muscle in my neck in my sleep while I had a seizure. It was mild. While I actually wasn't sure if I had a seizure, I suspect I might have had a mild one because when I got out of bed, I was in a brain fog. Even though I hadn't drank the night before, I felt hungover and my neck really hurt but I could still move and I wanted to go to work because I'm saving the days when I call in sick for days that I'm interviewing. Sleazy bossman said I was dopey. That's because I got 3 hours of sleep, I told him.
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