The Universal Mind Meditation

I was first introduced to this guided meditation a few months before my mom died.   My knowledge of kundalini meditation via Rama brought me to Brain Sync's (Kelly Howell) Awakening Kundalini recorded meditation.  From there, I started listening to other meditations from Kelly Howell... The Universal Mind Meditation definitely resonated with me the most.  I felt like it did make a difference in my overall demeanor.

I had been taking care of my mom, arguing with my siblings and feeling so discouraged.  While those problems didn't mysteriously disappear, my outlook changed.  It didn't all feel so dire.  Even my mom said she could see a difference in me and she frowned on anything non-Christian. She did, though, tell me a few times towards the end of her life, that she wanted me to have some spiritual path in my life, even if it wasn't Christianity.

When my mom fell, was admitted to the hospital and I was told that she was ready for hospice, I couldn't focus.  I tried meditating from the hospital but it was distracting and I felt this deep, burning sensation in my gut.  The only thing that made it subside was xanax.  So, I took a lot of xanax.  I found a bottle of my mom's Lorazapam so I took that too.  And then a friend of mine came to the hospital and brought me a bottle of valium.  He didn't know I had the xanax and lorazapam.  I didn't tell him.  I gratefully accepted the valium.

And these three things got me through losing my mom and the first few months following.  When I found myself in Northern California staying with a friend of my mom's who had the tendency to be a bit sadistic at times, I became hopeless and desperate.   Thoughts of driving to the Golden Gate Bridge filled my mind more and more frequently. This would all end... and I would see my mom again.  Instead, though. I started meditating.  The Universal Mind Meditation was just one of the guided meditations I listened to but I listened to it every single night as I fell asleep...

The universal mind manifests itself through all of us, hence we are all connected.. Have faith, believe and everything you need will come to you.  Turn your problems over to the Universal Mind and trust... It's all about faith.  So, I did that when I lived with my mom's friend.

I had submitted my resume all over the San Francisco bay area, applying for anything.  From assistant work to Marketing Director work.  It was early 2009.  Obama had been in office five minutes and the economy was at an all time low.  My mom's friend had told me that she was going to kick me out soon so I was desperately looking into housing.  Everything is incredibly expensive up here.  Then one morning I woke up and I thought about wine country.  It just popped in my head.  I looked online and saw that housing is much cheaper up there.  So I targeted the North Bay for jobs... Marin, Sonoma and Napa counties.  And that's what lead me to my current position....

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I'm grateful for this job.  It enabled me to move away from that friend of my mom's, get my own place, pick up my cat (which I soon lost), start over...  The pay wasn't great, my boss was cheap, I had no benefits, my coworkers were not professional and every day was amateur hour; but, in this case, it actually worked to my advantage.

During that first (and only) interview, my (soon to be) boss told me that he could hire someone with oodles of experience doing marketing for him or he could simply hire me at a lesser rate and let me "grow" in the position.  I had a marketing background... entertainment, B2B marketing... nothing related to his industry or market.  But he went to NYU and we talked about losing our mothers to cancer and I guess we bonded.  Over the years, he sent me to various marketing seminars.. sponsored by major players in the Bay area.  I did grow into the position.  I grew so much, in fact, that it didn't take long before I outgrew the company.

I was never enthusiastic about the company and as time moved on, I became more and more unhappy.  In the beginning, I loved my boss but, as time passed, I saw a different side of him and one I didn't like at all.  He really doesn't know what he's doing.  He's someone who starts a project, then shifts gears so project one is left undone, then midway through project two, he shifts gears again... in the almost three years that I've been there, I have a trail of unfinished projects.  Then he wants to know exactly just what I've been doing with my time.

It's a filthy office and the boss is too cheap to hire a cleaning person.  It's unprofessional.  Example:  I went to work, opened my desk drawer and there was a bag of pot in it.  If you've read my previous posts, then you know I'm no stranger to the ganja and I'm all for recreational drugs if they work for you but there is a place for everything and my desk drawer isn't it.  I gave the bag to my boss who apologized that I had to see it.  No explanation as to just what the hell it was doing there...

I believe my destiny was to work there.  The job has taught me valuable skills and it looks good on a resume.   And...it brought me to wine country.  Wine country is the perfect place to heal from all the loss I've experienced over the last few years.  After living in major crime cities, acres of rolling hills and vineyards is soothing to my weary soul.

I am ready now, however, to move on from this job.  I have never been so sure of anything in my life.  So sure, in fact, that i have desperately been looking for another job over the last six months.  So desperate, that I think it clouds my judgment and I apply for jobs that I'm not really interested in, but that would take me away from my current job.  I get too desperately caught up with getting out the  door I am currently behind and not too concerned with the door I will be entering...  And it is with this desperation that I started meditating again.

Every morning before work, I do the third eye meditative techniques included in the Awakening the Third Eye book and last night I resumed the Universal Mind Meditation at bedtime.  You are supposed to listen to it with headphones but headphones make it hard for me to sleep so I just play it over my surround sound stereo as I'm sure it will still have some effect.  I slept like a baby last night and I had the most amazing dream....

In it, I had given notice at my current job.  I was moving onto a better job.  First it was in the South Bay/Peninsula area, then it was the in the UK and then it was in NYC... this was never clear in the dream.  One of the guys I work with (I refer to him as Boogerman because, on more than one occasion, I've caught him with his finger up his nose) was a total dick to me in the dream.  He's a dick to me in real life but in the dream, he was even worse.  He was jealous and I was glad he was jealous.

My ego was in the dream.  I was aware of it and I was battling it.

Somehow, I have become wrapped up in the drama of my current job and it's really important that I don't.  I suppose it would be a lot easier if my boss learned a few things about boundaries.  He wants to plan a group outing and suggested a camping trip or maybe a baseball game?  I cannot think of anything less that I'd rather do than hang out with those people.  My boss could offer to flip the bill on a first class trip to the Hawaiian Islands and I'd still pass because I have no desire to spend any time with those people... 40 hours a week is hard enough.

The dream was amazing in that I experienced how wonderful it will be when I do give notice....when I have been offered a better job.  But I must beware of my ego as it's a vicious little thing and, most importantly, it serves no purpose....

I have a few possibilities out there but this week has been rather silent.  Mercury is in retrograde so I'm not surprised.

I trust the Universal Mind with the circumstances of my current job situation just like I did three years ago.  What will unfold will be my destiny.... just like wine country.