Yesterday was 3 weeks since I have been meditating daily. It started when work got even more incredibly brutal than it had been previously.... so bad, in fact, that I considered quitting and getting a job transcribing from home, temping...doing whatever I could to pay my bills. I was willing to get rid of my Dish TV, pay the bare minimum on the credit cards that have continued to plague me since my mom died, eat lentils every day, quit my wine club....whatever. Just keep me away from that toxic place.
Then I started meditating. It had worked before to keep me from doing something insanely self-defeating which I have a history of doing. It would help me tame that Leo ego.
So, I resumed meditating daily. Then, after a few days, I started meditating at night, too. On weekends, I sometimes meditate three times a day.
Has it helped?
Well, I haven't had visions. My mom hasn't come to visit me. I haven't had any orgasms while meditating (although I did have one in my sleep). I've had bizarre dreams. It has given me a thicker skin at work. Did I mention that I no longer put my lunch in the refrigerator because I'm afraid someone will spit in it? I also threw out the toothbrush I had kept in the drawer. I bought another one and keep it in my purse.
Am I paranoid or do my coworkers really hate me that much?
They really hate me. They really, really do! Not quite sure what I did but, when I consider the source, it doesn't really bother me much. I just can't wait to get another job, though. Every day is a lesson in patience.
So, yes. my skin is thicker. I have managed to deal with the attitudes that are hurled at me on a daily basis. Things are still really quiet on the job front. As for the possibilities that were out there pre-Mercury going retrograde....
I got a reject letter for the marketing-agency job based in Dallas that would have placed me at their top client's corporate offices in San Francisco. I had made it through 3 interviews but didn't make the final cut. Perhaps it was towards the end of the interview when my potential boss asked me if I had movie credits. I guess he googled me.
???
I try to keep the whole "I was an actor" thing out of interviews. Do people really need to know all that? I did work at some pretty high-profile places in LA while I was acting. Additionally, I have some pretty decent references. If they ask why I have only one long-term job on my resume, I will then tell them.
So, I told him that it was me in the credits and I was an actress in another life. When it came out of my mouth, I knew this job just wasn't going to happen He wanted someone whose first love was marketing, not drama....
Two other possibilities out there are both in a holding pattern.
Last week, another place I applied for reached out to me. It was another job in San Francisco. He cc'd his assistant and asked her to coordinate a meeting. Never heard from her. This week my Bose earbuds broke and so did my magic mouse.
Damn, Mercury. Go direct already.
I got that Stereosonic pillow. What a pain that was to get working. Hooking it up to an mp3 player like an ipod doesn't really give it much power which is why they recommend buying a headphone inline booster. I bought one at Amazon but before my order was shipped, realized that my super surround sound system ought to do just fine. I just needed an adaptor and an extension chord. So I cancelled my order, got my extension chord adaptor and voila, I got a pillow stereo.
What sucks about it is to get the full binaural beats, you need to lay on your back. I'm more of a fetus sleeper. Sometimes while I'm laying there and drifting off into slumber, I'm awaking by the fact that I am not breathing.
With that pillow I have done a few more brain sync binaural beat meditations including something called i-dozer which, frankly, gives me the creeps. It's a binaural beat program but it's more for a drug-inducing effect instead of any type of spiritual growth. They have one for heroine, pot, cocaine, peyote (although I gotta admit that one kind of intrigued me). I did the "hand of god" one which was like having Donald Sutherland's character from Invasion of the Body Snatchers screaming in both ears.
I prefer my binaural beats masked with an ambient effect like ocean waves on the shore, wind chimes and rain....
Do I really feel all that different or is this more of a placebo effect? The skeptic in me persists.
In any case, for now I will keep meditating twice each day including The Universal Mind Meditation before sleep and try to find that universe inside of me. It ain't easy.
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