So, I was pretty upset last weekend. Actually, felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. This week has been less brutal... so far. That's the thing, though. I never know what to expect when I walk into that place. One girl (poseur goth chic) looks at me with such disdain in her eyes. It's about the pot complaint. I know it is. Really, it's their fault for having me written up for making a "racist" comment. Of all the shit they've done to me, that was, without a doubt, the most offensive. If they're going to start slinging mud, I sling back and at least what I'm complaining about is valid and not a manipulation of the truth.
That said, I have hope that this position for the Euro jewelry manufacturer might come to fruition... MIGHT. I fear to get too excited because if it doesn't work out, I will be devastated. I emailed one of the men who interviewed me last week and he emailed me back today. His response led me to believe that he's definitely interested.
If this job happens, then I'm a firm advocate of the law of attraction as I have lived this job ever since I was introduced to it by a recruiter almost two months ago.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
I think I'm paranoid...
I have been somewhat disenchanted with life lately. I started meditating religiously (at least twice a day) over six weeks ago and, as much as I want to say that it's had some profound effect on my life, it really hasn't. Sure, there were days where I felt it helped me to keep my emotions tamed and my focus on things getting better but I'm so incredibly under fire at work, it continues to be an uphill battle and I'm exhausted. Not only that, I think I'm getting an ulcer. So much for the chakra healing power.
A new guy started in the office and we had a brief discussion. He's a deep meditator and seems like a nice enough guy. He's very mellow and speaks slow and I'm sure my boss is annoyed with that aspect of his personality. I like it, though. Like me and the other new employee, he doesn't quite fit into the culture there. I wonder how long before it starts getting to him.... or maybe his spiritual foundation is so solid, that it won't get to him. Me? I'm weak.
I found out my boss pulled my one "friend" at work into the other room with the "HR Consultant" and he apologized about the fact that a "coworker" (me) was pulling her into the drama and my boss made it a point of saying he doesn't like drama. Basically, he was trying to get her to throw me under the bus. She didn't. She knows how full of shit he is and how gross that place is.
After I was written up for harassment, I took a break and asked this "friend/coworker" if she wanted to got to the convenient store. I told her what happened. They didn't like that. My boss (nor can anyone else there) stand the fact that I actually have a friend there. A friend interferes with my boss' plot to fire me based on my inability to not work well with others. Yes, i said plot.
A new guy started in the office and we had a brief discussion. He's a deep meditator and seems like a nice enough guy. He's very mellow and speaks slow and I'm sure my boss is annoyed with that aspect of his personality. I like it, though. Like me and the other new employee, he doesn't quite fit into the culture there. I wonder how long before it starts getting to him.... or maybe his spiritual foundation is so solid, that it won't get to him. Me? I'm weak.
I found out my boss pulled my one "friend" at work into the other room with the "HR Consultant" and he apologized about the fact that a "coworker" (me) was pulling her into the drama and my boss made it a point of saying he doesn't like drama. Basically, he was trying to get her to throw me under the bus. She didn't. She knows how full of shit he is and how gross that place is.
After I was written up for harassment, I took a break and asked this "friend/coworker" if she wanted to got to the convenient store. I told her what happened. They didn't like that. My boss (nor can anyone else there) stand the fact that I actually have a friend there. A friend interferes with my boss' plot to fire me based on my inability to not work well with others. Yes, i said plot.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Serenity. Courage. Wisdom.
This last week I have been under fire. Two meetings with the "HR Consultant" who, incidentally, is a long-time friend of the "business consultant company" co-owner who happens to be the mother of one of the employees there. Do you see how incestuous this awful place is?
Last Thursday, I was called into the "conference room" which is really just a giant table in the middle of the showroom. HR lady said, "last night I got a call at home from someone in the office who expressed concern at your appearance.". I wanted to say, "Where else would you get a call given you don't have an office??????". Instead, I sighed inside knowing that this was yet another ploy in my boss' calculated and manipulative plan to push me out of there under "Justifiable reasons" so he can get out of paying unemployment.
She asked about my seizure disorder and my meds. My boss said that people were commenting on my demeanor. I walked hunched over. I told him that it was because I pulled a muscle in my neck in my sleep while I had a seizure. It was mild. While I actually wasn't sure if I had a seizure, I suspect I might have had a mild one because when I got out of bed, I was in a brain fog. Even though I hadn't drank the night before, I felt hungover and my neck really hurt but I could still move and I wanted to go to work because I'm saving the days when I call in sick for days that I'm interviewing. Sleazy bossman said I was dopey. That's because I got 3 hours of sleep, I told him.
Last Thursday, I was called into the "conference room" which is really just a giant table in the middle of the showroom. HR lady said, "last night I got a call at home from someone in the office who expressed concern at your appearance.". I wanted to say, "Where else would you get a call given you don't have an office??????". Instead, I sighed inside knowing that this was yet another ploy in my boss' calculated and manipulative plan to push me out of there under "Justifiable reasons" so he can get out of paying unemployment.
She asked about my seizure disorder and my meds. My boss said that people were commenting on my demeanor. I walked hunched over. I told him that it was because I pulled a muscle in my neck in my sleep while I had a seizure. It was mild. While I actually wasn't sure if I had a seizure, I suspect I might have had a mild one because when I got out of bed, I was in a brain fog. Even though I hadn't drank the night before, I felt hungover and my neck really hurt but I could still move and I wanted to go to work because I'm saving the days when I call in sick for days that I'm interviewing. Sleazy bossman said I was dopey. That's because I got 3 hours of sleep, I told him.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Fuck you, New Age Shit!
So, I've been religiously meditating for over a month now, desperately trying to find the strength to wake up 5 days a week, get dressed and go to a place that I despise with all my heart and soul. It's not only my job but it's everything especially the people... the people are the worst.
I truly hate them.
Yes I said hate. I hate them. I hate my boss. I hate my job. I hate everything having to do with that place and today I left. I didn't quit but I said I wasn't feeling well which was true. Then I went home. Other people in the office call in sick because they're hungover. My boss knows this but he's the father figure of the office who also wants to be their BFF's because he clearly hates his own pathetic life. Douchebag. I used to feel bad for his wife but I kinda hate her too.
I truly hate them.
Yes I said hate. I hate them. I hate my boss. I hate my job. I hate everything having to do with that place and today I left. I didn't quit but I said I wasn't feeling well which was true. Then I went home. Other people in the office call in sick because they're hungover. My boss knows this but he's the father figure of the office who also wants to be their BFF's because he clearly hates his own pathetic life. Douchebag. I used to feel bad for his wife but I kinda hate her too.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
The Owls are Not What They Seem
Last night I had some really bizarre dreams. It's like a poorly edited movie. I can only remember pieces.
My costar was Chuck, a friend of mine from LA and my former boss. Chuck was with me and we ended up in a park. It was night. We were running---from what I cannot recall but we stopped in the park and laid on our backs and gazed up at the night sky. The sky was completely lit up---there were stars and other lights which I couldn't make out. At first, I thought it was a spaceship. I started to tell Chuck this and before I could finish the sentence, the spaceship morphed into a bunch of aircrafts. I told Chuck that the government was doing some kind of testing and we should be careful. They couldn't see us or else...
Then Chuck said, "No. They're owls. It's a flock of owls". As he said that, the aircrafts turned into owls. Their bodies lit up. It was beautiful.
My costar was Chuck, a friend of mine from LA and my former boss. Chuck was with me and we ended up in a park. It was night. We were running---from what I cannot recall but we stopped in the park and laid on our backs and gazed up at the night sky. The sky was completely lit up---there were stars and other lights which I couldn't make out. At first, I thought it was a spaceship. I started to tell Chuck this and before I could finish the sentence, the spaceship morphed into a bunch of aircrafts. I told Chuck that the government was doing some kind of testing and we should be careful. They couldn't see us or else...
Then Chuck said, "No. They're owls. It's a flock of owls". As he said that, the aircrafts turned into owls. Their bodies lit up. It was beautiful.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Chasing After Passing Visions...
I've been meditating every day for a month now---at least once a day but usually twice a day if you count the Universal Mind Meditation which I've done nightly for just over 2 weeks.
When I was reading Awakening the Third Eye, Samuel Sagan talked about flashing visions that occur during deep meditation. He always made a point of saying not to force things and let them come naturally. So when I did the night meditation and other third eye meditations from the book, I waited for my passing visions but I got nothing.
Lately, however, I have had visions. I can't remember a lot of them. When I have them in a state of meditation, I realize it's a vision and say to myself "Hey, that's a vision!" which takes me out of my trance-like state at least for a little while. Usually, I cannot remember just what it was I visualized.
When I was reading Awakening the Third Eye, Samuel Sagan talked about flashing visions that occur during deep meditation. He always made a point of saying not to force things and let them come naturally. So when I did the night meditation and other third eye meditations from the book, I waited for my passing visions but I got nothing.
Lately, however, I have had visions. I can't remember a lot of them. When I have them in a state of meditation, I realize it's a vision and say to myself "Hey, that's a vision!" which takes me out of my trance-like state at least for a little while. Usually, I cannot remember just what it was I visualized.
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