Faith

So, I was pretty upset last weekend. Actually, felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  This week has been less brutal... so far.  That's the thing, though.  I never know what to expect when I walk into that place.  One girl (poseur goth chic) looks at me with such disdain in her eyes.  It's about the pot complaint.  I know it is.  Really, it's their fault for having me written up for making a "racist" comment.  Of all the shit they've done to me, that was, without a doubt, the most offensive.  If they're going to start slinging mud, I sling back and at least what I'm complaining about is valid and not a manipulation of the truth.

That said, I have hope that this position for the Euro jewelry manufacturer might come to fruition... MIGHT.  I fear to get too excited because if it doesn't work out, I will be devastated.  I emailed one of the men who interviewed me last week and he emailed me back today.  His response led me to believe that he's definitely interested.

If this job happens, then I'm a firm advocate of the law of attraction as I have lived this job ever since I was introduced to it by a recruiter almost two months ago. 



It was right around the time that my boss was changing my hours and moving my desk to "keep and eye on me" and this recruiter called and the name of their agency was kind of funny.  I don't want to reveal it here because I want this blog to remain anonymous but it almost seemed like a sign.  The recruiter and I instantly hit it off.  I interviewed for this position and mentioned "if I don't get this position, do you get other marketing jobs?" (they seem to have a lot of admin assignments).  She said she did once in a while but I should focus on the marketing job for the Euro manufacturer which she was trying to get me into.  I said something.  I can't recall what and she said "well then, this is meant to be".  I left feeling optimistic although I didn't know the name of the company because the agency was bound by confidentiality.

Then the interview kept getting pushed back.  The senior people were away on business and over a month went by before i finally interviewed and that was last week. 

During that time, I listened to the Universal Mind Meditation every night along w/ other subliminal affirming binaural beat programs.  I steered clear of the nightly self-medicating doses of wine.  As soon as the interview was scheduled (a week before the actual interview) and I learned the identity of the company, I downloaded their logo and inserted a trajectory with my name, title and that I was hired in April, 2012.  That has been part of my screensaver in both my computer and Apple TV.  It's been in my face for more than 10 days.

I also learned everything I could about this company.  I studied their site, read all their press releases, checked out their social networking presences and youtube videos.  I couldn't have done more.  

I didn't know what to make of the interview.  They wanted someone w/ a sense of humor so I tried to be not so serious.  Maybe I played up the character a little too much.  At times, I felt a connection and at times I felt insecure.  And then I did something stupid.

I started talking about how my parents aren't American.  I said my mom was from Hungary and my dad was from South America.  My mom actually is from South America.  Her dad is from Hungary.  I was nervous and it sort of slipped out and I thought I would look stupid if I took it back.  Then the interviewer said, "Where in Hungary? Budapest?" and I said "I don't know".  Then I felt the wind seep out of my sail.  He went, "Hmmm mmm".  So I told him that my mom was, in fact, from South America and her dad was Hungarian. Still, I had misspoke and I felt like somewhat of an ass.

Not sure if I read too much into it but I thought, because of that, the other guy lost interest.  But the second guy seemed more interested in me.  He's the one I emailed and who emailed me back.  The first one, however, is one of the owners so, if he don't want me, it ain't gonna happen.

That's precisely what happened a couple of years ago.  I really thought I had this job. It was for an Australian company and the guy who would have been my boss really wanted to hire me.  Then I met his boss which was different... more uptight, not so fun.  The following day I got an email from the man I had been interviewing with mostly and the one I would report to.  The email informed me I didn't get the job.  It was between me and someone else and they gave it to the other person. In so many words, he let me know that it was his boss who didn't want to hire me.  I was so devastated because, even then, I wanted out of my current job and I had really felt that one foot was out the door.    I was overly confident that I was going to get this job.

So, let's hope this one doesn't turn out the same way. If this happens, it will be a sweet day for me.  This job involves travel and I'd even get to go to Europe annually.  Salary range is pretty wide so I would need them to offer me something towards the higher end of that scale. Benefits.  The office is pretty casual so I wouldn't have to dress up.  The commute is close enough where I wouldn't have to leave my secluded wine country oasis.

When I think about going to my current place of employment and giving notice, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.