I truly hate them.
Yes I said hate. I hate them. I hate my boss. I hate my job. I hate everything having to do with that place and today I left. I didn't quit but I said I wasn't feeling well which was true. Then I went home. Other people in the office call in sick because they're hungover. My boss knows this but he's the father figure of the office who also wants to be their BFF's because he clearly hates his own pathetic life. Douchebag. I used to feel bad for his wife but I kinda hate her too.
Every day its something. Today, however, I was asked to review an email that was going out. It was written by one of the vapid, arrogant little shitheads that dominate that dump and it was awful. Not only was the grammar atrocious but it read like it was written by a ten year old. I wanted to rewrite the whole thing but, instead, I edited the crap I had to work with. It wasn't great but it was better than the original and, at least, grammatically correct.
My boss read it and announced to the office that he hated it. I told him to read the original given that it was way worse than what I had written. He did. Made a few changes and said have it checked for grammatical errors so the little shit who wrote it gave it to poseur goth chic. Nevermind that her grammar is just as poor as I am constantly finding spelling errors on our website that she is responsible for. I know he did it deliberately to piss me off. He wasn't happy that I edited his crappy email and he was rubbing my face in the fact that my boss hated my revision and went with his.
I am the only one with a college education in that place. And I think that's one of the reasons my coworkers hate me. They know that the fact that I have a college education means I get paid more. And I know my boss is capable of cutting my pay.
When I first started working for that prick, he was spending money like crazy. When he hired me, I was working out of his office. He was moving offices and investing a hefty sum into design. He was hiring people left and right and usually inexperienced, desperate people who would be willing to work for the meager hourly wage he was offering. I thought, for sure, this guy has capital which he is investing in the growth of the company. I find out he's not. What he does is "roll money". Get credit from vendor A. Sell something to a customer, have vendor A send the merchandise to customer and pocket the money. He's reliant on sales to pay his bills. He has ruined so many relationships because he hasn't paid his bills. He's lost customers because vendors refused to ship the merchandise until the bill was paid.
That first year, he kept making cracks about pay decreases. I'd just as soon have him fire me than decrease my pay. But, as I have said, I believe that he wants me to leave. He's such a spineless child who is manipulated by the office twenty-somethings and they hate me therefore he's not a fan. When I got along w/ the younguns at work, my boss was cordial to me. When there were problems, my boss changed. What a pathetic, immature man.
He doesn't want to fire me because he will have to pay unemployment so he is making conditions so bad that I will quit. And I will quit... just as soon as I find a job... not a job but a job that will give me what I've been missing all these years: a good salary and benefits.
My boss got sued a couple of years ago by a former employee. The guy seemed perfectly pleasant to me. In fact, he sat next to me. He was a sharp dresser, was good looking, charismatic and, for whatever reason, my boss decided he hated him and started talking shit about him behind his back. He fired this guy and the guy retaliated with a law suit. I acted impartial but i understood that the lawsuit was merited. And all the twenty-somethings started these rumours that this guy was an alcoholic and beat his wife. Really, now? And how the fuck would they know? They don't. It's just their nature. To talk shit about people behind their back when they're not there to defend themselves. This company is as good as those little brats will ever get with their high school mentality, inexperience and lack of education.
Given that I've read every single Marketing job ad on Craig's list over the last six months, I can confidently say that non of those bitches could get a decent job anywhere because they do not have a degree. Shit, there are Marketing Manager positions that I cannot apply for because I don't have a Masters. It's a jungle out there.
They also hate me because I defriended all of them on Facebook. I did it because they weren't acting like my friends at work so I decided they didn't deserve to be my friend on Facebook.
I am convinced my boss wants my life to be hell which is why he has taken away all the perks that I had a year ago. A year ago I could work from home. A year ago I could make my own schedule. A year ago I didn't have to punch out for lunch. A year ago my boss didn't micromanage me. A year ago I had a desk far removed from the noise and business of the office that I was super productive. A year ago, I got treated with a hell of a lot more respect than I do today.
Now, I have to work in the office, have to punch out for a half hour, have to work 9 to 5. My boss moved my desk next to him so he could "keep an eye on me". I'm constantly being interrupted, not getting anything done because people are screaming over my desk. My boss is always peaking over my shoulder and asking me what I'm doing. My coworkers treat me like crap, my boss knows this and he accepts it. He hangs out with them after work and I'm sure he ain't singing my praises or defending me either.
I've tried to be calm, cool and collective . I've tried to be optimistic about the future. I've listened to the mother fucking universal mind fucking meditation before bed every night believing all the while that the universe is going to provide for me. Fuck that shit! Nothing has happened. I have two opportunities that are on hold. When they're off hold, there's no guarantee that I will ever get an interview as I initially interviewed with the recruiter who is pretty much "the screener". Just because the recruiter likes you doesn't mean you'll actually advance to the level of meeting the potential employer.
I meditate in the morning. I stopped ritualistically drinking wine every night. I listen to Brain Sync on my iphone at work. I listen to it when I go to sleep. I give myself positive affirmations daily but, today... well, today, I felt like Jessica Lange in Frances.
While on the set of a film called "No Escape", Frances has a meltdown. She punches the stylist in the face, breaks down the set and storms out. "BASTARDS! FUCK YOU ALL!" echoes from her silhouette in the doorway. Man, I was so tempted to do that today.
Starting to think I need medication more than meditation. The blog I had before this was called "I hate my job and you would too if you were me". I deleted it because I thought it was putting negative energy out there and I should try to think more positive. Law of attraction, you know? So I started meditating and started this here blog firmly believing that things would improve because I was focusing on personal growth and putting out all this positive energy.
Nothing has improved.
So, what do I have to say to that?
Fuck you, new age shit! I want my original blog back! I hate my job and you would too if you were me!
I always hated that term "new age". I was first introduced to the term "new age" in the 80's when I worked at a record store. There was a section called "New Age" which is where they had Yanni, Kitaro and all this other music I never heard of. I was into New Wave at the time. New Age? Was it like New Wave for old people? I tried listening to Yanni and it about put me to sleep. (That's how old I am, one of my first jobs was selling records--- the little shits I work with now probably never held a record in their lives).
Then years later after my party days were behind me, i started understanding what "new age" was. It's what you get into when you hit 40. A friend of mine who I had known for years was suddenly into Yoga and ended her emails with "namaste" and would post on her Facebook "om shanti". It seemed incredibly pretentious to me... and hypocritical given that she and her husband would smoke lots of pot and do the occasional 8 ball.
I'm more of a mama cass, make your own kinda music kinda person. I did find myself being drawn to things that could be categorized as "new age" but I rejected that label.
What am I? I'm a 44 year old woman who lives alone with her cat in the middle of nowhere. My life is okay except I hate my job and I hate my coworkers and you would too if you were me. Those 40 hours are enough to destroy the time I spend outside of the office. It's a shitstain on my life and I cannot take it anymore.
Today, I thought about killing myself. No more shit job, no more worrying about money and I'd be able to see my mom again.... oh yes, I'd be able to see my mom again and that seemed worth it....
Then I remembered Magic...
and I couldn't.
I really appreciated this, made my day.
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