Time Passages

Recently, I made a playlist of music that I listened to when I lived in NYC.  It included lots of stuff from the 90's like Violet by Hole, Sour Times by Portishead, Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden, Only Happy When it Rains by Garbage, Only Love Can Break Your Heart by St. Etienne, Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground.  It includes music from Oasis, Bjork, Massive Attack, Tricky, The Breeders, The Orb, Nirvana and music that carries with it the imprint of a time in my life that has long since passed... a time in my life where I was young and free and never once thought about the consequences of my actions.  Unlike today, which is all about consequences...some of the consequences I'm dealing with, in fact, are a result of that time in my life.

I listened to this playlist yesterday as I soaked in my bathtub and was overwhelmed with a plethora of emotions including sadness and guilt and wonder.  If I knew then what I know now, would I have done things differently?  I think so.

The Morning Fog

It's been about a week since I stopped taking Lamictal cold turkey.  I was taking 200 mg/day.

I haven't had any headaches nor felt that I'm in danger of having a seizure.  What I have felt is fatigued and spaced out.  Sort of like I have ADD or what I imagine having ADD would be like.  I have trouble focusing or staying focused. It's difficult for me to piece together a sentence sometimes.  I hope that within a week the Lamictal will be out of my system completely and all of these withdrawal symptoms will cease all together.

I started walking daily again and even started to run, which is something I haven't done in years.  The main reason that I'm interested in running is not for weight loss but rather to improve my brain function and memory.  I did some research on holistic remedies for ADD and something that consistently came up was cardio exercise.  It's great for depression and focus.  Given the current uncertainty of my life and work situation, it's important for me to be focused and stress-free so I've decided that I will incorporate exercise into my every day routine. 


Yesterday I made lunch for my neighbors (black bean burritos).  I ended up drinking my two bottles of Tribunal with them.  It's the first time I've had more than a glass of wine since before my fast.  I wanted to use the wine so that I no longer was tempted by having it at my disposal.  I've decided I do not want to ever drink alone again. Not good for the mind, not good for the body, not good for the soul.

Yesterday while I was on the deck drinking wine I realized that I was appreciating wine more than I had in a very long time. By not having wine for almost two months and then experiencing an afternoon of drinking wine with my neighbors, I appreciated it more than when I drank it nightly all by myself.

It's so easy to take things for granted.

Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft

When I was about 20, I started having grand mal seizures.  Prior to this, I believe I was having petit mal seizures.  Grand mals are easy to diagnose whereas other types of seizures aren't.  I could've been having seizures for years prior to that first grand mal.  As a teenager I had weird neurological problems that went undiagnosed.  Perhaps they are linked to the seizures I started getting in early adulthood.

When I was about 16, I would experience really loud feedback noise in my head usually when I was about to fall asleep.  It was creepy and when I told my mom about it, she didn't really take it seriously.  Probably because we didn't have health insurance and she had gotten insanely in debt due to vision problems I had as a teenager.  I sort of hate myself for that.  Had I not had these vision problems, then mom wouldn't have gotten so deeply in debt and her life would've been different.  But that's another story...

The Bar

It's been 2 weeks since I broke my fast.  Aside from a little bit of feta cheese I've sprinkled on a few salads, I have not had anything dairy.  I resumed having my morning coffee a few days ago but I've limited it to about 1 to 2 cups with almond milk and agave syrup (instead of half n half and Splenda).  I have not gained any weight.  In fact, I think I might still be losing...  I get full really easily and, on a few occasions, have inadvertently overeaten and ended up with a really bad stomach ache that kept me up.  Pajama bottoms that used to fit on me super tight are literally sliding off me.  I haven't weighed myself, though.

Here's what I had yesterday and this type of menu is pretty typical since I broke my fast:

Crock Pot Cherry Popping for Vegans

Today is an exciting day for me.  I am finally using the crock pot I bought a few weeks ago.  My self-made concoction is currently in slow cooking mode.  I finally made use of the two cans of Whole Foods organic black beans which have been sitting in my cupboard for over a year.  No canned anything for me from this day forward... it's all about fresh, fresh, fresh from here on out!

Here's what's currently brewing:

2 cans organic black beans
1 onion & 4 leeks (pre-sautee'd)
3 stalks of diced celery
3 carrots (pre-steamed)
Annie's Organic Smokey Maple BBQ Sauce
Oregano, Basil, Rosemary, Garlic, chilli pepper powder
1/2 pack of Yves Ground Round (vegan ground beef substitute)

This could end up being really good or perhaps not so much.  I hope it's at least palatable.  Will find out at 7:00 when it should be finished.

I plan on serving this over Quinoa.  How's that for healthy, bitches??

Destiny's Child

It's been a week since I broke my fast.  Yesterday is the first day that I've introduced carbs into my diet by eating pasta and bread.  I had no intention of doing this anytime soon but my neighbor invited me to a late lunch.  My stomach is still quite small so I didn't eat as much as I would've two months ago.  I also had a glass of white wine which left me with a headache for the remainder of the day.  It was so bad, in fact, that I broke down and took an Ipuprofen before bed.

While I am really trying to stay away from all of the above, it's unrealistic that I will cut all these things out of my diet permanently.  There is no holistic remedy (that I'm aware of) for headaches and the one I had last night was pretty debilitating.

Turn and Face the Strain

Today is day 4 since I broke my fast.  Each day, I've gradually eaten more.  There were a couple of days that I didn't juice--today included--but I've eaten an abundance of veggies and fruits.  No grains just yet.

My new BFF is my Black and Decker Handy Steamer.  It's the easiest thing to operate.  It's easier than juicing, that's for sure!  You fill up the base with water, throw chopped veggies in the top, turn a dial and voila! There's a little mesh compartment where you can add spices for flavor.  This thing is truly easy and the result is truly delicious.  Top the steamed veggies with vegan spread (Earth Balance) and nutritional yeast which is my other BFF.  You can put it on anything! 

Breakfast for Dummies - Day 1

My imac is asleep most of the time when not in use but every so often it  turns on in the middle of the night.  This happened last night at around 3:30.  For whatever reason, it didn't go back to sleep so I had to get up and shut it down.  Unfortunately, by that time I was awake and couldn't fall back asleep.  I lay awake and thought about breaking the fast and worried because I have read many conflicting things in terms of what should be eaten on the first day. 

Some people claim that raw is the only way to go during the first week.  Others are eating eggs and rice on day 1.  While I have no intention of eating eggs or rice during the first week, I'm uncertain as to what veggies are acceptable to eat in the first day.  Some veggies are harder to digest than others.

Juice Fast Day 30 - the finish line

I made it!  Fasted for 30 days and haven't died.  Overall, I feel pretty good.  Today I had a headache and felt off.  But then I did that thing that I do to aid in the detox--- you know the one that involves caffeine, a bag, my ass and a tube?  As soon as I did that, my headache was gone!  I neglected the CE for two days this week and both times I felt those detox symptoms rearing their ugly heads again (headache and an overall "blah" feeling).  This just confirms that to effectively do a detox fast of any sort, you must regularly do the CE to flush the toxins out; otherwise, those bitches'll make you crazy!!

Tomorrow is fruit only day for me...oh and juice.  Not giving up the juicing.  Going to break my fast with a piece of fruit--probably a golden apple and then have a fruit smoothie in the afternoon and probably another piece of fruit later in the day....  everything I've read states that you must be extremely careful when breaking the fast.  My digestive system is asleep so I need to wake it up ever so gently or it might get really pissed at me and then I'll really be miserable. 

Juice Fast Day 29 - My Body, the Hand Grenade

While America's ignorant homophobic population currently clogs their arteries by scarfing Chick-Fil-A sandwiches and nuggets, my wholesome body purrs gently in approval as I sip my spinach, carrot, celery, red onion and garlic, cherry tomato juice. 

What has always baffled me about these right wing self-righteous bible-thumpers is the fact that they pick and choose which verses in the bible they're going to enforce while ignoring any of the ones that just may incriminate them as being hellbound.

For example, there's that whole Body=Temple of God thing??