The Bar

It's been 2 weeks since I broke my fast.  Aside from a little bit of feta cheese I've sprinkled on a few salads, I have not had anything dairy.  I resumed having my morning coffee a few days ago but I've limited it to about 1 to 2 cups with almond milk and agave syrup (instead of half n half and Splenda).  I have not gained any weight.  In fact, I think I might still be losing...  I get full really easily and, on a few occasions, have inadvertently overeaten and ended up with a really bad stomach ache that kept me up.  Pajama bottoms that used to fit on me super tight are literally sliding off me.  I haven't weighed myself, though.

Here's what I had yesterday and this type of menu is pretty typical since I broke my fast:

2 pieces of Trader Joe's multi-grain flourless bread w/ earth balance spread
1 smoothie with bananas, hemp protein powder and honey
1 avocado sprinkled w/ nutritional yeast
1 salad with greens, red onion, walnuts, feta cheese and balsamic dressing.

I was full last night when I went to bed... really full.  I felt as if I had devoured a pizza.

The crock pot black bean concoction I made last week was delicious only I had to freeze most of it because there's so much and no way I could have consumed it all before it went bad.  It's also very filling.  I started feeling a bit sick after I began consuming it which is what prompted me to freeze it.  My digestive system needs time to adjust still.  I cannot imagine ever being able to consume what I did prior to the fast.  The two bottles of Tribunal and the Boddingtons in my fridge are untouched. I simply have no desire to drink alcohol right now.

Still nothing on the job front.  Waiting to hear back regarding my interview last week and have submitted my resume for other positions.  I'm being less selective as I only have 3 more months before my unemployment dries up and that's a bit scary.  Trying to trust in the universe, higher power, God, supreme being...whatever... that I will be okay.  I applied for a position as a junior media planner and was disgusted and offended to get a response informing me that the annual pay scale started at $36k and ended at 40k.  How absolutely disgusting considering the job's responsibilities are more mid-level than junior.  There is no way I could live on that salary... especially in the Bay Area which is one of the most expensive regions of the US.

That's the problem with many of the ads I see online.  I will often see an ad requesting someone with knowledge of Adobe Suite, html, google adwords/analytics, my SQL, php and Flash experience.  Oh but this is an internship so you get paid NOTHING.  I so want to respond to these jobs with a big Fuck You. 

I can remember the days when temping paid $20/hour.  My friend in NYC now has to interview at least once for temp gigs that pay a fraction of that.  Times have changed.  Thanks, George W Bush, you retarded embarrassment to America, for fucking up our economy with your wars and outsourcing and tax breaks for the wealthy.  I hate you.

Been thinking a lot about what exactly would make me happy in terms of work and lifestyle and here's what I came up with today.

1) a job that pays a minimum of $70k annual with excellent benefits.
2) a job working in a creative environment with creative people who share similar interests as me.
3) this job would be in San Francisco
4) this job would have an international presence with offices in major cities all over the world so there would be an opportunity to work abroad.
5) a very nice and spacious in-law unit or cottage in Marin county with hardwood floors, a dishwasher, garbage disposal, a deck with a beautiful view of either the bay, ocean or mountains (preferably the bay or ocean... I have always loved the water and wouldn't be surprised to learn that there is a dominant Pisces influence in my astrological chart).   I would prefer Sausalito only because it is so close to the city that, depending on where you live and your shape, you could walk or ride your bike over the Golden Gate and into San Francisco.  How cool would that be?
6) I would buy an eliptical machine so I could always get my exercise no matter how dire the weather is.  My body would be in the best shape it's ever been in. 
7) I would be less introverted.  Shades of the old me would resurface  minus the self-destructive tendencies.
8) I would have no more debt and my student loans would be out of default.  I don't expect that I will ever be able to pay off my student loans unless I am blessed with some unexpected major cash-infusion but if I could at least make them manageable and not a huge shit stain on my credit, I'd be happy.

So what happens if, within a year, I'm there and all the things on this list become a reality?  Will I really be content with my circumstances or will I want more?  I vote for the latter.

No matter how much one achieves, it will never be enough.  The bar will always get moved up another notch and when that destination is attained, it will get moved up even further...and so on and so on.  I believe it's this way for most people and not just me.

That's truly sad and indicative of how people are constantly looking to fill this insatiable hole in their spirit.  Spiritually-grounded people, I'm sure, are aware of this and perhaps have found a way to revel in the present rather than dwell in the "i want, i need" prospect of the future.  I have yet to meet someone, though, with this mentality.