Today is day 4 since I broke my fast. Each day, I've gradually eaten more. There were a couple of days that I didn't juice--today included--but I've eaten an abundance of veggies and fruits. No grains just yet.
My new BFF is my Black and Decker Handy Steamer. It's the easiest thing to operate. It's easier than juicing, that's for sure! You fill up the base with water, throw chopped veggies in the top, turn a dial and voila! There's a little mesh compartment where you can add spices for flavor. This thing is truly easy and the result is truly delicious. Top the steamed veggies with vegan spread (Earth Balance) and nutritional yeast which is my other BFF. You can put it on anything!
I also have a crockpot I want to pop the cherry on this weekend... perhaps some veggie chilli or soup. I'm totally digging these new kitchen accessories. When I moved in here, there was a microwave. My landlady decided to leave a lot of her crap in my space which I've had to slowly move out of here. While I've used the microwave, I have made a conscious decision to not do it anymore so I moved it out of my kitchen. If something needs heating up, I'll heat it on the stove or put it in the oven. Microwaves are creepy.
So today I had a phone interview for a position that seems custom made for me. Although it's still considered a start up, it is entertainment. The pay is within my salary range and I can definitely see potential for it to become huge. The interview went well and Wednesday I'm going into San Francisco to meet them. Hope it happens... this is the most excited I've been about finding a job in a long, long time.
Of course, I really need to think about relocating if I get the job. The hours will probably be long and I feel terrible about my beloved Magic. She's gotten so used to me being here and then suddenly I will be gone all the time. The commute to this place is about an hour. There and back is two hours... that's 10 hours commuting each week.
Then there's the money associated with commuting. Golden Gate is $6 (will be going up to $7 if it hasn't already)... traffic is a bitch in the city. Also, parking is insanely pricey. Unlike LA, San Francisco isn't so generous with complimentary parking. There's no validation or anything so when I go into the city, I have to pay for parking although things might change if I actually get hired. One option is taking the Larkspur Ferry since this place is located near the ferry building. The ride is nice and peaceful but the Ferry is $17 round trip plus there's still the drive to the fairy which is about a half hour from my house.
The money I spend in commuting could go towards rent in a city apartment. I would have to sell my car but I won't really need it unless I want to venture out of the city. A city apartment means I wouldn't have to commute and if my place is close to work, I could even go home on my lunch break and give my Magic some love.
When I think about leaving and relocating, I get really frightened. It's a bit overwhelming. I guess I knew I wouldn't stay in wine country forever. It's really too slow-paced for me. This was the perfect place to heal after my mom died but now, I'm ready to move on.
I haven't lived in such a massive metropolitan area since New York City. Sure, I lived in LA but LA is pretty spread out. It's not like you can flag a cab or jump on a trolley or train to get around. So from going to living on five acres in the middle of nowhere and waking up to the sound of a rooster to moving into a huge, congested city is going to be serious culture shock for me.
That's the thing with change. Rarely, is it something gradual. It's usually pretty sudden...like when I got laid off or when my mom died.
Even though I knew my mom would die, I hadn't really planned what would happen when she did. I had been caring for her and knew she was getting bad but I choose to live in a state of denial. Then one night, she fell and the paramedics came and took her. It was the night before Halloween, 2008.
She was taken to ER but still able to carry on a conversation. I was crying because deep down I had this overwhelming feeling that my mom was going to die even though she was speaking normal. She even told me to stop crying, that she was going to be fine and made this cute, little hand gesture that said "you're being silly. stop it!"
I went home that night and on Halloween she seemed fine. But later that evening, she started getting delirious. My friend (Miss Om Shanti), kept inviting me over to her house for Halloween dinner. After I left the hospital, I went over to my friend's for dinner and ended up bursting into tears at the dinner table. When I got home, I lay in my mom's bed and whaled like I never had before... I knew in my heart that she wasn't going to get over it this time. She wasn't coming home. A week later, I was told by the doctors that it was time for hospice...and Halloween was never the same.
When my mom died, it was like this huge jarring force in my life. Suddenly, I have to move by the end of the month. I had all this stuff that I didn't know what to do with and nobody to help (my brother ended up helping himself to what he wanted and not doing anything else). My mom was a bit of a pat rack. I had no place to live after the end of the month. No job. Lots of debt and barely any money. If I thought about my predicament too much, I just might have gone insane. Instead, something sort of turned off in me so I could get through it all. I was numb...
At my mom's memorial everyone was crying but I felt nothing. I faked tears because I didn't want my brother and sister to say I never cared about our mother and, they, with their consistent malicious intent would most certainly do something like that. They didn't understand because they're so consumed in their own little bubble that I had no place to live and that my best friend had died and I had no direction. I was in fight or flight mode and I was fighting. Emotional me wouldn't have been able to get through it but numb me somehow managed to.
My mom's good friends from Ecuador all gave me money so that I could get back to California. My siblings were so pissed that my mom's friends wanted nothing to do with them. Why was I getting all the attention? Why weren't they? She was their mother too! Well, perhaps if they had been taking care of my mom instead of leaving it all on my shoulders, they would've gotten sympathy.
All that change. It was like throwing my life up in the air and seeing where it all landed. Wine country was my destiny and this place has been good to me but I really feel deep down that my time here is drawing to an end. It will be time for me to move on soon and I'm terrified. There is nobody here to help me. There's just me and my debt and my bad credit. If I do move to San Francisco, the recluse in me will be forced to die.
Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad one.
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