Here's to happiness

That juice I had earlier put a hell of a spring in my step...  I had one of the best walks ever.  It was not too hot and there was a wonderful cool breeze.  In spite of it being the 4th, there wasn't an abundance of traffic. I felt infused with energy and sensitive to all that was around me. From the music in my ipod to the trees swaying in the breeze to the smell of jasmine in the air, I was tuned in to everything.

In my current residence, I occupy the granny unit...which is really a Northern California term.  It basically means a converted space in a house that occupies a standalone unit.  I think my place used to be the garage but don't let that give you the wrong impression.  I have a full kitchen, a nice bathroom with a jacuzzi tub and a washer/dryer... in LA, this place would cost considerably more than what it costs me here.   It's small but it's home.  My neighbors occupy the main house. 


When I was walking back from my hill, I noticed my neighbors and a couple of guests (who I also know) on the front porch looking out over the vineyards and drinking.  I stopped and chatted with them for a while and they offered me a Bloody Mary.  "It's organic," she told me.  Made from the veggies right from her garden (the same ones she gave me).  They already seemed a bit loopy.

It was tempting.  So tempting.  But I politely declined.  It is really not the best thing for me to do in preparation for my juice fast.  I've been reading a lot about what to do in preparation with some sites even suggesting one should go on an all raw food diet before starting it.  I've decided not to do that.  I'm hoping the fact that I'm a vegetarian and eat relatively healthy already will mean something....

I have an abundance of crap I take at night to help me sleep.  From Benadryl to valium to melatonin to a plain ole OTC generic "sleeping aide", I cannot recall the last time I went to sleep without the help of at least one of those things.   Back when I worked at the place that shall not be named, I would take a cocktail of those ingredients... sometimes it included all of them.  That place made it so difficult to sleep.... it was a constant source of anxiety.

Tonight I will not take anything before bed and tomorrow morning I am only having one cup of coffee.  (long, weary sigh)  Coffee.  I would definitely say of all my dietary habits, that's going to be my biggest challenge.  I cannot recall the last time I didn't have coffee in the morning.  I think I have had coffee in the morning every single day for the last 20 years...

I guess I have a bit of an addictive personality...  booze, pot, benzos, coffee, sex, cigarettes, exercise and cocaine are just a few of my vices.  I haven't done coke in years but once upon a time, I was seriously hooked.  What a useless drug cocaine is..  everything I imagined while tweaked on coke was a big fat lie right down to the relationships I forged -- some of which lasted over a decade.  When I stopped doing coke, those relationships served no purpose.  A lot of my relationships from back in the day serve no purpose now and that's probably why I have become such a recluse these last few years....

But that's life.