Then about a half hour later, I felt fine. I made lunch (a green juice with green chard, spinach, collards, turnip and mustard greens and 2 apples) and suddenly, I felt energy soaring through me and thought my head might pop off my body like a champagne cork. Next thing I know I'm in the shower dancing and experiencing a shower like never before (except that one time when I showered on ecstasy.... now that was cool!).
I read the most reassuring article on the ups and downs of juice fasting which really put my mind at ease. Everything I'm experiencing is completely normal. That also explains why I've been somewhat nostalgic about the 80's and feeling somewhat sad about friendships that have dissolved over the years.
When my mom got sick and I was forced to go back to Florida, I reunited with a lot of my friends from back then. Back in the days of "new wave", we'd all dress in black, get high and go to goth clubs and gay bars. I remember seeing The Sugarcubes in a tiny little goth club in Ybor City called "The Masquerade". Who'd have thought Bjork would break away and become this huge sensation?
When I got back to Florida, my friends kept saying, "Hey, remember the time that you..." and I couldn't remember. This was a constant recurrence and I was disgusted that I couldn't remember any of it. Apparently, I blacked a lot of those memories out of my mind...
One of my friends from back then was my (former) BFF who I speak of here. We're not speaking now. We were a duo and people at the bars always associated us as being attached at the hip even though he was gay and I was...confused. His brother and sister were also part of that clique. His brother hasn't returned my calls or emails so I've sort of written him off too. And then there's that friend of mine who I severed ties with right after my mom died.
It was almost scary how much we had in common---personality, music, sense of humor. Her birthday is two days after mine. We're both Leos. I find that I bond intensely with Leos but we always end up wanting to rip each others' heads off. That was the case with my friend. We had periods where we were really close and then we wouldn't speak for years.
There was a time when we both lived on Long Island and we were best friends but she was so possessive and didn't want me to have any other friends. She also was not happy when I got accepted into NYU. She would call it NYUseless and that pissed me off. I ended up breaking ties with her before moving into the city. A few years later, a mutual friend told me her father died so I emailed her to give her my condolences and see how she was doing. We made up and became friends again although she had moved to Florida by then.
When I'd go to Florida to visit my mom, I'd see her but it was when I moved to Florida to care for my mom, that I realize just how much she'd changed. She'd gone all new age on me. Everything was namaste this and namaste that. Om Shanti. She was miss yoga which is great because I like yoga too but she seemed so affected by it all. Especially since she was keeping her pot smoking habit hidden from her yoga friends. It seemed more pretentious than genuine.
We still hung out and talked regularly. I would share my concerns with her that I had no place to stay when my mom died and she promised I could stay with her. Well, I decided to take her up on her offer when my mom did die. I only needed a place to stay for a couple of weeks and then I was planning on going back to California. She told me that I couldn't stay with her because her husband wouldn't allow it. Her husband was also part of our "goth" group and we all swore he was gay. I still think he is...
I was livid at the fact that she pulled this shit when I was dealing with the hell of selling all my mom's stuff on Craig's List, packing shit up, donating stuff to Goodwill. I had no place to stay and ended up staying with both my sister and brother on separate days and both were total douchebags. Fortunately, my former BFF's brother took me in and saved me from my sadistic siblings and for that I am eternally grateful. He was actually the one light in my world back then and helped me through that horrible period.... As much as I hated Florida, I was sad to say goodbye to him.
I ended up making peace with her shortly after and she said "If there's anything. ANYTHING I can do for you, let me know". I told her it would mean a lot to me if she came to my mom's memorial as I needed all the support I could get. "Absolutely," she swore. "ABSOLUTELY!!" When I told her the day and time, there was a pause and a sigh. "Uh, I can't make it. I have baby toddler yoga that day.". I hung up on her.
The rest of my friends all said I should never speak to her again. They were surprised when, again, I forgave her. But the last straw came when she requested to be my brother's friend on Facebook and then started hanging out with him. I couldn't understand why because she met my brother once. It got back to me that my brother was "digging" for information on me. I have known her for over twenty years and she's a huge gossip. My brother is also a huge gossip. The thought of the two of them sharing secrets about me was just too much. I defriended both her and her husband and blocked them on Facebook.
A few months later, she emailed me to tell me in her nonchalant new age way what a shit I was and how full of love she was and ended it with "love and light". I wanted to create an app called islap that would enable some mystical force to slap her remotely.
Well, I've thought about her a lot. I even unblocked her on Facebook. She's still friends with my brother who I suspect has blocked me because he hasn't commented on anything on my Facebook page for close to two years (when his Log Cabin Republican partner defriended me for a political argument).
It's very sad because we were so close once upon a time. Back in the New York days we'd go to concerts and clubs and every now and then venture into Manhattan for some serious party action. Those were good times and I remember them well. If she apologized for all the bullshit she pulled when my mom died, I would be friends with her again but she's too proud. I would extend the olive branch but in this instance, I really don't believe I did anything wrong that would merit that.
The more I live, the more I believe everything is temporary. Buddhism teaches that attachment brings suffering and I have to agree. Sometimes it's best just to let things go....
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